just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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