Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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