My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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