You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
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Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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