3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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