I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
