i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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