3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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