I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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