Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
