If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
