oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
