just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
