yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
