I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
