It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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