Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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