We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
