I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
