i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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