Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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