So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
