I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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