She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
