I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
