3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She said her name was "party"
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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