he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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