My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My dick has a subreddit
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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