Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
