I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
