Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
