Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
