the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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