Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
