i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
