Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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