so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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