im six kinds of drunk right now
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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