I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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