I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
