So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
