I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
