Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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