So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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