HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
