Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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