She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
