thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
