Pants 0. Shit 1.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
