Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
