how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
