My hand turned me down
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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