problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
