I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
