I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My balls are so social today.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
