i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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