I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
